I started the process of setting up this blog last year. It took me awhile to even figure out the basics of the whole Word Press format. Yes, I’m still working on them.
And as you can see, I have a long way to go, yet. I would spend hours on watching videos, reading about it, experimenting, and then finally get so tired of it, I’d leave it in frustration and not come back to it for days.
I didn’t give up because I never closed the account. But, I certainly let the start of it just lie dormant. I never totally stopped writing. Sometimes in my journal. Sometimes in my devotionals. Sometimes in my Bible. I’ve even got a pretty good start on a book.
Then it became the dilemma of whether I wanted to do a book or a blog. I love holding a book. I love reading a good book. I’ve always wanted to write a book.
But, where does most of today’s generation actually read things? Well, we know that their eyes are usually reading things on their phone or computer. So, to reach the most people, and in the easiest way, the blog seems to win.
But, an even bigger dilemma than that was my indecision on whether I even really wanted to do a blog at all, anyway!
Would I enjoy doing it?
Would I be able to put my thoughts into words without it being a cumbersome process?
Would anyone even want to read it?
Would I embarrass my family or friends who keep hoping I will just get back to being normal?
Would I help other widows bear this journey easier or just bog them down talking about the same burdens that most of us bear and already know, or at least will eventually learn?
Would I be willing to have people disagree publicly with my beliefs or even my opinions about things our culture considers to be controversial?
Would I be willing to see that the subjects of grief and loss are something that my friends and acquaintances, and yes, some family, don’t really want to dwell on? They may feel that those subjects are just plain too heavy and uncomfortable and everyone has to deal with them anyway!
So why can’t she just move on instead of going on and on and on??
Do I want people to know about some of the struggles that have broken me into pieces?
Do I want people to know how God has been with me in each of the broken times?
All of these thoughts have been tossing on my heart and mind for a long time. At least a year. Probably two. Maybe three.
Give sorrow words; the grief that does not speak knits up the o’er wrought heart and bids it break. – William Shakespeare
I’m a pretty private person. Do I want to keep being private or is Sovereign God prodding me to share how He has been my security guard on this often terrifying roller coaster of life that he let me ride on?
Right after Mike died, I made some posts on Facebook that basically told the main pieces of our journey through his illness and death. I felt at peace doing that, knowing I did it for others who wanted to share my journey. I also shared pieces of my handwritten journal during those first few months. That wasn’t an easy thing to do either, but I felt God was wanting me to share the perhaps fragile, sometimes weak attempts, though always sincere, efforts that I had made to fully claim His promises.
Along with sharing a lot of pictures of my beautiful grandkids, I shared scriptures that were soothing my torn spirit and ministering to my grief the 2nd year. I continued to share scriptures every now and then during the 3rd year.
That said, I rarely have entered into conversations that deal with conflict in areas of our world today. There are so many things I feel strongly about and have an absolute opinion on. But, I just haven’t felt like most of them should take my attention, comments, or passion away from the biggest conflict in my whole life that I face every single day.
A prayer prayed over and over, “God, please show me how to live life now. Help me to live life with joy!”
